Why I became a doula!

I realize now that everything I have done in the last 14 years has led me to where I am today. My starting point is the birth of my first son. Isn’t that true for all of us though? Every decision we make leads us to where we are in life. I fully embrace the fact that I had to have all the experiences I have had to lead me where I am right now.

Two things I always knew, I would own my own business and I was going to do something that would make a difference in the world. The one thing I struggled with was; what would it be? Thankfully, I discovered what it would be about six months ago, but it started with the birth of my fourth son almost two years ago. I had Finnley with my midwife Sara at the Simply Born birth house. I loved seeing what Sara had created in her business and was so inspired by what she does for women. But I knew quickly I could not be a midwife, I simply cannot be responsible for the lives in the room. So then I came across what a doula actually does and reached out to Simply Born for guidance. They lead me to DONA International, who I will ultimately gain my certification through.

The journey so far has proven over and over that this is what I was put on earth to do, this is my calling. The books I have read and the training’s I have attended make me more passionate every day. The positive responses from those around me affirm it even more so. Not to mention the opportunities I have already seen provide even more affirmation that this is right for me. The fact that I have the chance to help girls that are in the same position I was in when I was 16 years old, I can’t even put into words the emotions that makes me feel.

So the reasons for me becoming a doula go deep. The opportunities for growth in this industry are immense and I so look forward to seeing where this journey takes me. Thank you for joining me and thank you so much for your love and support!

With so much Love,

Brooke Elizabeth

What is a doula anyway?

Before I got started on my journey to becoming a doula I didn’t really have a full understanding of what a doula actually did. I thought a doula and a midwife were like the same thing, which is a common misconception. A midwife is essentially replacing the doctor and that is a long way from a what a doula has to offer.

A doula does not provide medical advice in any way at any stage of pregnancy or in delivery. A doula works for the pregnant mother to provide her with physical support, emotional support, partner support and evidenced based information should questions arise. A doula will help the mother create her birth plan and will help her stick to her birth plan throughout her labor and delivery. She will advocate for the mothers wishes throughout her laboring process should advocacy be needed.

Specifically the doula will offer comfort measures in labor from beginning to the end. Comfort measures include but are not limited to: physical positions to help the positioning of the baby as well as comfort for the mother, comforting touch, breathing techniques, words of encouragement and partner support. A doula will offer to assist with all details of the birth plan down to music, scent, lighting adjustments, bathing desires and whatever wishes are discussed and added to the birthing plan.

A doulas job is not over when the baby has arrived. She will offer more emotional support, assistance with nursing and potentially the most important part; a re-count of the labor and delivery with the parents. Birth is so amazing and having another person there to discuss and remember your birth to remind you of things that happened or that she saw that you may have forgotten or not even noticed. Writing your birth story post birth is something I personally did not do, but wish I had. As the years go bye we forget the details and how amazing for you and your family to be able to recall, remember and cherish every birth! The benefits of a doula are amazing, if I was to have any more children, I of course wouldn’t do it without one!

With Love,

Brooke Elizabeth

Parenting Pressures

The pressures of parenting arise for every parent at different times and for different reasons. The first time it occurs for most parents is in pregnancy. The thoughts of, can I eat this or that and if I do will it affect my baby? Will people judge me for doing this or that while I am pregnant? Will I have drugs during labor or will I not? Then after baby is here will I breastfeed or bottle feed? Co-sleep or do cry it out method, no matter what we choose we feel will be judged on how we do it. What is the ‘right’ answer to all of these questions and how do we handle it as parents?

Then as kids grow into toddlers and they are demanding, fussy, sleepy, sick, hungry, whatever the reason they are in need of our attention it can be so very stressful. If my child is throwing a tantrum in public, people will judge how we handle the situation, they will assume he is a spoiled brat to be acting that way. When we give in and buy him a cookie to get him to calm down so we can get our shopping done in peace, eyes will be watching…

Then kids grow more and can be so snotty in front of grandparents, forget to use their manners at the dinner table and fight with their siblings. You are at your wits end so you give them their electronics so you don’t have to yell at them again, you just want to enjoy a nice meal you didn’t have to cook. But you can’t help but wonder who is watching this behavior and what are they thinking.

Then the kids turn into teenagers and you find out they are failing science class and cannot play in their ball game that night. How do you explain to the other parents why your kid is sitting on the bench? What will they think of you as a parent?

There is no ‘right’ answer to any of the challenges of parenthood. How you choose to feed, sleep and raise your child is up to you. We all do things differently and our kids need different treatment. We have no need to judge another parent because they are doing the best that they can. When we see those tantrums happen in the grocery store, we know we have been there. Just last week I was walking through the grocery store while Finn screamed in the cart. I just smiled at everyone we walked by, like ‘sorry you have to hear this’ but I wasn’t going to give in to him so I let him scream. I am empathetic to the mothers I see struggling with a handful of little’s, I just think, girl I have been there. All parents make different decisions for their children but I know for myself that I am doing what I think is best for my family. So why would someone judge me for that? I think we need to remember not to judge and rather offer some love, support and encouragement for that struggling mother.

The only ‘solution’ I have to all of this is that if we just love our kids every day, do our best as parents every day, then we are doing what is right for us. All kids go through ages and stages in different ways. If we provide them love, support and positive affirmations, while we are doing our best to make it through this thing called parenting, then we have to trust they will turn out okay. Every individual has their own personality and will turn into the adults they are going to be no matter what. So at the end of the day no matter which age/stage you are struggling with as a parent just remind yourself that you are doing your best, therefore you are doing the right thing for your family.

With Love,

Brooke Elizabeth

Tooth Fairy Fails!

I will be the first to admit, I don’t know the history behind the tooth fairy and maybe there isn’t any, but it started somehow. I don’t know who started this silly tradition but whoever started it, I would have to guess they didn’t have four kids and both parents with full time jobs! Maybe that’s a lame excuse but regardless, what is the POINT!?

First of all, it’s a lie (much like Santa and the Easter bunny) so really, my kids believe a fairy flies into their room at night and steals their tooth and puts coins under their pillow?? Can we say Creepy!? Why don’t they have nightmares about that, like no thank you. Then when they get older and find out the tooth fairy is just your mother, talk about disappointing. Usually it ends up being something like, ‘duh, I knew it was just mom.’ But secretly you didn’t know and something inside of you dies a little because the magic of life is fading away…

Secondly, how am I supposed to remember to stay awake and put money under my kids pillow? I get it with the first kid or if you only have one kid it can be fun and exciting because as a parent you are excited to do the ‘fun’ first time parenting things. It’s like waiting for your first kid to walk and talk, by the fourth kid you hope they wait as long as possible to start doing those things because you know when it starts it doesn't stop!

So ultimately last week my second oldest child lost his fourth tooth at dinner, which was great. Until four days later I was putting him to bed and he said to me ‘the tooth fairy is never going to come’ with tears in his eyes. Okay why didn’t he remind me on day one that the tooth fairy sucks? I told him ‘Well the weather has been so bad and it is busy season for the tooth fair you know, so I bet she comes tonight’ (busy season for lost teeth? Better than nothing) Needless to say the tooth fairy came that night and gave him some extra coins for being late… Parenting FAIL.

We do what we can though and he was happy enough, hopefully he isn’t too scarred from the delay of the tooth fairy. One day he will realize the truth of parenting fails when he is doing the same for his kids. But if I could I would suggest to the world that we disregard the tooth fairy please. Let’s go ahead and stop telling our kids they get coins for teeth from a creepy night time fairy! But for now, just keep doing your best and our kids will end up just fine, like we did, right?! : )

With Love,
Brooke Elizabeth

DONA Training = Life Changing

This past weekend I attended my DONA International training workshop. This course included my DONA workshop, childbirth education and lactation courses which are all required education to gain my doula certification. I spent four full days in a room full of twenty women and I can tell you right now that never in my life have I done that! This group of women was so beautifully diverse in personalities and backgrounds as well as cultures! Even with so much uniqueness in the room we all had one thing in common and that is the love and passion to help mothers through the life changing experience that is birth. The long weekend experience was eye opening, educational, inspiration and emotional like you wouldn’t believe!

I personally was completely out of my comfort zone as I rarely get out of the house. I have four kids and husband at home, so spending a long weekend with twenty total strangers was quite an experience. The content of the course and the people involved were all so interesting and inspirational that I was fully invested in everything my educator, Jessica, had to say and the time flew bye. I really feel the weekend has changed me as a person. I have gained so much knowledge and the fire inside me has grown exponentially to share this knowledge with every pregnant woman I meet! Jessica has so much experience and passion that it really just confirmed for me that I am doing what I was put here to do. I have found my purpose in life, imagine how that feels! I want to help women have the labor and delivery they wish to have! I want to help reform my local hospital as Jessica has reformed hers. I want everyone and every mother to know that birth is totally natural, it was something our bodies were made to do and we CAN do it. Every mother has every right to make every decision in her birthing process and I want to be there help ensure she remembers her birth in the best way possible.

Not only was the course so educational and inspirational but I bonded with those women in a way that is hard to describe. As personal birth stories were shared, we took on each other’s pain, sadness and joy in different ways. The power of everyone having one thing in common, the desire to help women have a positive birth experience, really connected the whole room together. The women in the room truly have a passion for helping the world be a better place. The birthing experience is so powerful for a mother and we all want to help more women have a better birthing experience. This is a process of transforming where the medical world stands on birth today. We want to take birth back to the way it should be, empower women to make their own decisions and give their consent before any medical intervention.  Mothers remember this experience it can mold who they are as a mother and they should be the only one in control.

The overall experience was amazing and emotional and something I will never forget, that’s for certain! I cannot wait to share this knowledge with every client that comes my way! I strive to ensure that every birth I attend, I can know in my heart that I made better in some way and it all will come back to this training!

With Love,

Brooke Elizabeth

Kids vs. Puppies

One day I was discussing with my dad on if I would be having any more children. I believe this conversation happened after my third child but before my fourth and I thought it was the greatest analogy ever. My dad said ‘you know babies are just like puppies.’ I couldn’t help but laugh and really think more about what he said and now I really do compare the two!

Puppies are so cute and little! Its no big deal that they have stinky little puppy breath and oh well if I have to clean up a tiny bit of puppy poo, they are just so cute how can you be mad? Then the puppies start to grow just a little to quick. They become super hyper, need constant attention and non-stop discipline. They sure don’t listen when you tell them to get off the couch or stop chewing your shoes. They are still cute but start to drive you nuts and sure are a ton of work! They need to be fed and watered, then they have vet appointments and medicines. They end up costing more money than you would have thought as well as time. But then they grow and start to get old. They slow down and they have learned to mind what you tell them. They are much better behaved and they turn into your best friend and you feel bad about those days when you considered selling them to ‘a good home’. You and your puppy, now dog, turned into best friends and you just couldn’t image life without them!

The puppy and puppy teenage years are so much like what you go through with kids it makes me laugh! I hope and expect that as my kids get older we will maintain a wonderful relationship that will be like the friendship that I have with my own parents. My husband and I decided that four kids was it for us, our house, cars, hands and hearts are full! But no matter the number of children you have just remember going into it and making the decision to have a child or have more children, babies are like puppies!

xoxo

~Brooke Elizabeth

Reality with Four Sons

As you know I have four boys in this house plus a husband. Let me tell you one thing that comes with this territory is a mess! They do help clean on what I call ‘cleaning days’ but of course they are boys so their idea of clean and mine can be much different. They lack organization skills and my little guy likes to get every single toy out and then not play with them. But it is what it is, right. This is the phase of life we are in right now.

These boys are constantly eating and constantly moving. Therefore, I am constantly cooking and following behind them picking things up. Like socks, for some reason every single one them takes their socks off at any random moment and leaves them where they lay. For example the garage, yard, basement, my bedroom, the couch, they have been located every where and occasionally they actually put them in their hamper… I think, or maybe I just move them there…

Even though I like a neat and clean home, that’s hardly the case right now, and that is okay! What’s important right now is loving them, spending time with them and creating happy memories with them. I am well aware at how fast these days fly bye! Next thing I know I will be waking up to an empty house as my boys are sent off to college, buying their own homes and living their own lives and dreams. I want to make certain that when they come back to visit we talk and laugh about the remember when’s. When this house was always a mess, never calm and very loud.

So at times when the house is a mess and things are in commotion, take a break and enjoy the kids and cherish those ever lasting memories, because one day the house will be clean and I will miss my full and messy house days!

With Love,

~Brooke Elizabeth

Small Business owner, here we go!!

As I have said before it always been my dream to own my own business and now I am in the works of finally creating that dream! I just got the cold hard reality of how much a small business owner has to pay in taxes!! And it is not pretty, the first calculations with my accountant expressed that I should save a minimum of 30% of all income to go towards taxes for the year! The point is to actually over-save to ensure when I have to pay that money is there already. Maybe this shouldn’t even come as a surprise but it sure makes the idea of success that much harder!

I was so glad to have met with the accountant because it did a few things for me: brought my business into reality and no longer just a fun dream. It got me to measure my income in a real life fashion, which again, makes this all seem that much more real. I also learned a lot more of the detail on book keeping and other things I will have to do that I didn’t know had to be done.

If you want to turn your dream into a reality I would first recommend these things:

• Make sure you are passionate about what you do, then the hard stuff isn’t so hard

• Stay Organized

• Take your time in getting started

• I could write a book with much more detail here, but those three things are where I would start

I have about zero patience, but I have spent some serious time and will continue to spend more time learning, studying, organizing and ensuring I am starting this business off on the right foot which I believe will help to lead me to success down the road!

More to come on this as I continue to grow and learn on what it takes to turn a dream into reality!

~Brooke Elizabeth

Post Birth Expectations

Post birth experiences will be different for everyone but I just want to help you gain an expectation of what things are like after your baby arrives!

I have had four babies all four were born vaginally only one with no pain medication, so I will share what my own experiences were like. First it was nice to not have an epidural because soon after giving birth I was able to get up and walk to the bathroom and even shower off, though I didn’t desire to do much of anything but sleep! The moments after birth are fleeting but also unforgettable. I recommend you cherish that hour post birth bonding with your new baby as well as your spouse. The time of quiet and getting to know each other are something you will never forget. Also, if you are breastfeeding I would let the baby suckle and start working on nursing right away. Don’t expect baby to latch right on and go to town, they are new at this too!

I would focus on resting, sleeping, and being calm. It can feel overwhelming to bring a new baby home to your kids or even if it is your first baby and they are the only one you have to care for. It doesn’t matter how many other people are in the house, bringing home a new child is always a new experience! I recall my husband and other family members helping me so much in those first weeks. I was hardly alone (thank goodness) just getting help with my bath, laundry and groceries and of course with three other kids I needed help with school drop off and pick up as well. I was fortunate and grateful that I had a few weeks to be able to adjust and create a new routine with the new addition!

Never be afraid to accept help from others. You must take the time to heal and bond with your new baby. Also, trust in yourself and your maternal instincts that you can do this and care for your baby! We were created to be able to handle our children and remember God won’t give you more than you can handle! Take it all one day at a time and love on your new baby!

~Brooke Elizabeth

The First Birth I Attended

The first birth I attended was with my sister. She called me believing her contractions were quite real and just getting stronger. I suggested she drink water and take a bath to ensure it was the real deal, after that I left work to meet with her. We timed her contractions and I practiced squeezing her hips, rubbing her back in between contractions and giving her sips of water. She was ready to go in to the hospital after about an hour of this. I continued to assist her through the car ride and through the hospital halls on our way to the labor and delivery floor.

I was hopeful that I was actually being helpful and doing a good job since she was my first ‘customer’ and I wasn’t even fully certified yet so I was just part of her support team. I felt that when I was talking her though her contractions and squeezing her hips, she would calm down and make it through! When she was first checked she was a five! She did an amazing job getting there but was ready for her epidural. After receiving her epidural she was greatly relieved and able to rest before it was time to push. She and her husband decided it would be just them during pushing so I had to wait in the waiting room, which was basically torture for me.

I waited with about zero patience with my parents until an hour later and baby girl was born! After another short wait we finally got to meet the little bundle of joy and see that mom and baby were doing just wonderful!

My first experience was exhilarating and exhausting, but it was just confirmation that I believe I have found my calling! I am highly anxious to finish my doula training and gain my certification and cannot wait to meet more moms and help them through this amazing time in their lives!

I will never forget my sister saying to me after she got her epidural “So you should really think about becoming a doula, because I could never have done that without you.”

~Brooke Elizabeth